I'm in a mood. I know part of it is 'cause I want to spend time with Oddity (alone time, preferably naked) and this is a form of emotional temper tantrum. This feeds into the whole 'I don't drive and life sucks' thing, and I'm frustrated because I could be working for more money and am simply not focused enough. I don't know if I can get to see my daughter at the residential facility or if she can sleep over with me (I have to find a place we can sleep over at, 'cause Capt A doesn't want her here). I don't make enough money at all.

And Assemblage 23 has lots of dark, almost suicidal songs. I know that Failure has to be a son asking his parent why his parent committed suicide. There's another song, rather sweetly folksy, but very dark, by Innocence Mission, called You Are The Light, which seriously seems to be about someone visiting the house of someone who died. NOT the best of listening things during winter. gah.

And the pain in my hip is back.

I want my Oddity. Wah.


So Temptation shuts down our link so that he can heal. It is rough on him I know; and I know I'm being selfish when I say I wish he didn't have to do that.

Oddity and I had a very good weekend. It was my b'day on Saturday; DancingBean and Oddity planned a dance roadtrip for my b'day Friday night. I could not go home with Oddity Friday night and that broke my heart. But I got to go over Saturday.

I love being around him. I'll admit it, I'm a goner for him.

Driving home on the highway, there was an overbridge that looked like if it opened to another world - over it was dark sky, but under it was bright gold. In fact, it framed a well lit factory wall.

We ate at a diner and I had the sudden feeling that we were in one of those movies, like the one with Woody Harrelson and that chick wherein the song ShitList comes in, or something like The Day The Earth Stood Still, or an X-files movie, or the one where Nicholas Cage can see several minutes into possible futures and reset. See, the diner is one of those old fashioned shiny ones, with the flourescent lights, and it was dark outside, and someone started up the jukebox with some bluesy country song... and it was surreal. Either this diner would be the last oasis of humanity, or hell on earth. It would be a crossroads of temporal events or the place where Arthur Dent finds out the earth is due for demolition. I was in a fanciful headspace, what can I say?

I missed my dog. I wish I could have my world as I want it.

My son never called me for my b'day. He is going to PAY.

Edit: He called Thursday. He leaves for Boot Camp in May, they tell him, because MEPS is full. Hrm. He should join the Peace Corp or Job Corp or something that keeps him out of trouble. Here's to hoping.