I named this blog Ruby Tuesday, after the song by the Rolling Stones. This song is one of my top favorites. The others are: Elstree by The Buggles, Kiss You All Over by Exile, Roxy Roller by Nicky Glider (or Nikki Gilder). A lot changed from the first entry. And things are still changing. Some are self-propelled and some are not.

A blast from my past contacted me and told me he loved me, that he had loved me since we were teens, 2 years apart almost 30 years ago. I had the most overwhelming crush on him and he left to get married and I would have never guessed that he wanted or loved me. He was afraid of my dad he said; he turned away like everyone else when I got punished for nothing. I went through anger and hate and fury and pity and nostalgia and wishfulness. Now, I'm just angry.

I did not like the reality of my youth or teen years. I hated my life then. I started living when I ran away from home at 17. I screwed up alot, but I lived and don't regret even the pain.

I don't want to hear from anyone else from my past, if they come to try to tell me they cared but couldn't do a thing or lift a finger to assist me when I needed it most. I don't need empty platitudes now; I'm good now. go away.

I am obsessed with this song: After Hours by Covenant from one of the Critical Mass compilations. I don't know why. I love the beat, the way the music flows, the voice in the background - and the words. And none of it together make sense.

I have devils on my mind/And the hour's getting late/There's nothing more to have/I'm waiting for the day/The weeks are passing by/I'm thinking of the days/I want to burn myself again/I want to violate you//I want to violate you/I want you to hurt me again/Oh/I'm never gonna waste your time again/Burn your love tonight/Oh/I'm never gonna waste your time again/We can touch the stars tonight

It's sorta wrong but it strikes me. I've played it over 40 times in the last two days. I just want to play with it in my head and it slips out. I need to hear it constantly. I think I may sit with it playing in a loop in the dark to see what comes out.

I heard Melt with You, Don't Come Around Here Again, and Let My Love (Open Your Heart) today and for some reason they melded with the song above and a Beborn Beton song called Poison. It's wierd and I think it could be a good focal point for a story. I'm going to see how I can get all songs playing together. I'll add Hold Me by Colin Hays and.. yes, the new song about the Fairie Music by Coyote Run. I'll have to find some quiet time to play them all...

It's a stormy sunday afternoon. Marvelously magnificent thunder and lightning. We had to deconstruct Capt. A's dragon shelter at his brother's house in the rain. Hard work, but exhilarating. I love warm weather, even when it rains cats and dogs.

Saturday I went walking with my son, his gf, the dog from the house he boards at, and my dog. My dog is 11 years old and did not even break a pant. That dog is a strong 5yrold pit and 1/4 of a mile in was wheezing. Second-hand smokes fucks with more than just the people; it also harms the pets within the house. That poor dog could not handle the marathon walks we take; as it was, we turned around short of our goal, concerned that this animal would die of asthma or a seizure on us.

When I got home, I treated my perfect pet with the best in the house and then went out to mow the lawn unevenly. I had a ball; I imagined that I was in Vietnam and I was one of the ground crew napalming the undergrowth (I was using the electric weedwhacker because the grass was too high for the manual lawn mower). So I have odd fantasies. I wish I had felt this strong earlier in my life so that I could have been a soldier. Then again, I want to do the male soldiering; I do not want to sit behind a desk. C'est la vie.

When Lord Dragon wooed me, he sent me a song: Alien, by Bush. I can't listen to it today without remembering how wonderful that moment was. When Capt. A was getting to know me, he 'gave' me the song You Are My Kind by Santana and Seal from the album Shaman. When wooing me, music is literally the way to get me completely devoted. So recently, Temptation mentioned 'Night Fever' and of course, I am deliriously happy. And.. recently, a new player on the scene and I were speaking about The Cure and I mentioned that I loved the song One More Time by them. And so he put it up as a note where I could see it.

Yes, you have the right idea. For me, music doesn't calm the savage beast, it brings it out. It makes me feel alive, electric, incredible, indomitable and almost violently affectionate. Give me more music.