a ver, raro, que no entenderas ni te enteraras de este puesto. Tentacion me manda saludos y besos por la luna; tu te enojas porque te mando un im. Un oso verde me dara masajes y piropos y tu te molestas porque te pido un favor. Y que paso con el tratar de oirme cuando te hablo? ya veo que como cualquier otro hombre, es solo la caza que te interesa. nunca vas a entender porque le tengo tanto desprecio al hombre, pero tu mismo demuestras el porque.

no eres malo, solo decepcionado por solo. me siento triste, pero por ti solo tengo pena. no puedo cambiar el que te ame - porque te amo, raro, te adoro. pero eres estupido en lo que no entiendes.

Entiendo muy bien que el hombre desprecia lo que tiene por sentido. no me cojas de meno; no me menosprecie. como puedo ayudarte a entender?


I'm so freaking tired of being cold all the time. One of the possible reasons is iron deficiency anemia, but I get a bad reaction every time I take an iron pill. I don't think it's iron - anyway, all the blood tests are negative for anemia.

Somewhere I read that everyone has a layer of fat under their skin. I don't seem to have it - you can clearly see my veins and in my extremities you can even see the bone structure - and it's ridiculously easy for me to show muscle. I don't have a way to make a change in that - most of the weight I might gain is all in my stomach and that's an unhealthy weight gain and it STILL doesn't keep me warm!

I'm also tired of being in pain. I've got arthritis and the cold exacerbates it. Staying still also makes it worse. I'm much happier when I'm moving. No one can experience the pain others feel, so no one understands the kind of pain I live with, in my shoulders, my back, my hips, my ankles, fingers and neck. Yet I can dance, and dance for long periods of time, because I do have high endurance.

I live summers and survive winters. It's a shame 'cause autumn and winter are lovely seasons. The worse stretch is January-April - just the worse in everything. Sigh. That's my whining for the day.
It definitely hasn't been easy or smooth with Oddity and I. He doesn't think some things through and can get worked up over things that don't require that sort of reaction. Yet he reminds me of how I flake out or go apeshit over things like taxes or the company my kids keep and I refuse to mingle with.

I feel he is unconsciously protesting the loss of 'freedom' or solitude he's enjoyed for the past 8 years. Suddenly he's got a girlfriend and he wasn't aware of all that could entail, or forgot all that it requires. You get older, you get more set in your ways, and when you're not exposed to the kind of world I came from, well, you find it hard to deal with.

But what to do? While I want to live with him, I DON'T want to live with him - it will be terrible if he can't cope with it. He's flexed a bit (more than he would have done otherwise) but still, it takes a lot to be with someone like me. Meanwhile, I can take ALOT and understand where it came from, but I do not like being the only one who does that.

I miss him when I'm not there. I like doing things for him. even when he gets pissy and riled up about something that didnt need that reaction. I believe I can cope with it, deal with it, work with it. I certainly know no one else would put up with it.

There were many times I wanted to just walk out, or pack my shit and leave, because he gets upset over something that with a little thought, or a little faith, can be worked out. I, however, really do not like when he questions us being a couple because we have differences.

Differences can enrich a relationship. Am I being a doormat because I don't see any reason for me to make him change? Why must I change? I can tolerate; why can't he tolerate? What he needs is a good lesson in letting things go and flow.

I also do not like when he snaps at me, or responds in less than a positive way. Perhaps I shoudl be used to it as my family does it all the time, but I dont like it. I don't do it. I dont want it done to me.

This is why I don't ask for help. I do not like help given grudgingly, as if it is a chore, a hassle, to provide assistance. I'll walk, thank you; I don't need anyone to pick me up and complain because it shortens your time and you have to rush. I won't come by; I'd rather be pissy by myself and pine than hear how he had all this stuff to do and he's rushed and never time for anything, obliquely blaming me. Yea, I don't have time for that crap.

Not to mention it poisons you more than it poisons me, and it poisons the time we have together. LET IT GO. Just coast.

That's my rant for the day. I miss him even with all that. sigh.