Moments:

Crossing the street at Mt Rose, did I wait? I don't remember. I noted the pretty blue color of the car coming up, and I ran across, and then it occurred to me that I was going to get hit - the car did speed up a bit, did not see me. I felt the impact, felt my face slam into something, I spun, saw sky. Realized that I had made a full revolution. I landed. I don't think the impact itself registered from the shock. Just that I had got hit and rolled over the car; it had not stopped short. I was both feeling awfully sorry for myself for 2 seconds and hugely guilty for the horror the driver would be feeling. I checked my body with my senses; there was pain but more than anything just shock at the impact and resignation at the incident. It happened. I had to flow with it. Suddenly a woman with large sunglasses came up; I realize she had been crying out, "Oh my god, someone call 911" and to me, "are you okay?" I answered, realized that I was shaking uncontrollably. I asked for my bag and explained it was my daughter's xmas present. I told someone to take my phone from my pocket and call Capt A. I noted that some guy was calling 911. Other people came round. So did the driver. Oh the guilt I felt! She was crying, I think and I asked to take her hand and apologized. The lady with the glasses was joined by an off duty emt lady and I asked her to please raise my knees, that my back was in alot of pain, even though my knees hurt. The muscles of my legs were spasming as was my lower back. Perhaps it was all my back; I was shivering too hard to really tell. but as soon as my knees came up, my back relaxed. I was coherent and alert throughout it all - but I was shaking like if I was convulsing.

I broke my hip at the pubic bone, the rarest of breaks and easily the hardest to do. The safest, to boot; most injuries of the hip are pretty catastrophic when breakage is involved.

Memories:

Needing to pee soooo bad that the xray techs joked about how visible it was. And then, finally, giving in (no one was going to let me off that board until they were sure I hadn't broken my back in some way, which I hadn't, or damaged my hips worse). I got the bed pan, arched my back (so much for broken back and hips...) and with my shoulders STILL ON THAT BOARD, sat on the bedpan and PEED for like an eternity. OMG WHAT A RELIEF.

In that four hour period, I had to do that once more.. rivers, man. rivers.

My eldest crying hysterically on the phone (I can't listen to my kids cry without falling apart.) Fearing that my youngest would fall apart. Hearing my son's voice crack with tears on the phone. I'm fine, guys. Your mom is made of rubber and steel. I was fine until my kids called me.

Capt A being there, patient, understanding, communicating with Oddity and my parents. I wish it could have worked with him. Oddity has my heart.

After four hours in the hospital strapped to that fucking board, I got home in terrible pain. But I could deal with it. I tried to dance. RIGHT. Wall Of Fail. Yes, RIGHT AFTER GETTING HOME. Moving to music is like breathing. well, not right now though!

Realizing the oxycodone was giving me dizzy spells.

Realizing that I was deathly dizzy all the time by Thursday night. Especially while I was trying to satisfy my oral fixations. NOT a pleasant trip at all. Will NEVER take codeine again.

Memory:

Oddity tells me he will come home with a surprise. He comes home wearing nothing but his coat. The thought makes me tingle and dance in so many places. I love that man.

Memory: Xmas morning wrapping his arms around me. Meeting his brother for the first time (with a black eye!!!) His being so kind and far too aggravatingly protective.

Memory: falling asleep in his arms. always.

Memory: Realizing there was no more intense pain from my hip!