If I were to be immortal, my thought is that it would happen this way: I would age, then fall into a coma, as my body rebuilt itself. It would take a few weeks, in which doctors would be scrambling to find out what is wrong with me. Then they would realize my telomeres are rebuilding, and that my body demands more sustenance. This would come to the attention of the muckitymuks that study strangeness and hold it for government need to know. So when I awoke, basically I'd be in debt to the government. No problem. They would study me; in turn, I would be physically retrained (after all, the body may remember, but muscles still atrophy without use). Then I would try to bargain; I'll work and stay the government's secret in exchange for a tour of duty as a Marine (including boot camp) and schooling in various languages and countries - I would spy for them, me with my dark little self looking more like a servant than a diplomat.

I daydream about this; the chance to relive my life, my way. It's great fodder for all sorts of fantasies I could not even think of living now. And it's a nice escape.


"Last night I had the strangest dream..." Break My Stride, Matthew Wilder

I was working in a deli or something in Brooklyn. Two guys came in to deliver meats; one guy I started horseplaying with and was instantly in lust with him. So much so, that I rode their van back through Brooklyn - it was a passenger van as well as a delivery van(?) and the characters they collected were wild. There was a punker with a varicolored mohawk, a butch gangbanger, motorcycle thugs of both genders, people so different and wierd and outside the mainstream and really really close in portrayal to some of my actual friends. Even as I was cataloging the people, the overriding thought was, I have to fuck this guy. I have to have him.

With this in mind, somehow I got off the van, and realized my mistake. So I start running to beat the van to where it's going. I go to all fours and run, like if I'm a bear or something. I thought it was strange and should have been painful, but it wasn't; it was like if I had turned into a beast. Soon I hit an area that I could take either through a park or through a partially abandoned block entirely surrounded by apartment buildings. I chose the abandoned buildings, but came to a spot where I remember having been through before and gotten messy, and I didn't want to get messy. I wanted to sleep with this guy and creepy crawlies and spider webs weren't part of that equation. So I backed out and found one of the still pristine and lived-in apartment buildings and encountered a dog.. and it seems I was a dog too and it wasn't a problem. Then I turned back to myself and the owner of the dog was confused but didn't seem to connect the two. I went in and through and out the other side. This was a busy commercial street, full of stores and bistros and outdoor vendors and such like. I saw the italian deli the guy worked in and marked it for a return, and realized that the building I came out of was the office of my therapist and I had an appointment today. Okay, but I wanted to explore the street abit.

I went up the street towards a place that sounded like they were playing jazz music, and at the keyboard was a familiar figure. He looked like my ex boyfriend, Lord Dragon - and when he turned around, it was him! I wondered briefly if he would acknowledge me and he called out to me and asked for a hug, which I gladly did, thinking all the while 'I'm in his arms again! I'm touching him again!'. His wife was there, and she and I started talking as the sun set. Then the lights went out - a blackout - and it seemed to be limited to the four blocks of the commercial district. So we went back to their place to hang a bit and talk; I had removed my bra and had mentioned that I needed to put it back on again, but lost it in their laundry (I was helping with laundry). I never found it. I did find that my feelings for my Lord Dragon changed as I hung out there; at one point, he was discussing a deal with another woman and asked her where were the goods, as there would be no contract without the goods. He didn't sound much like I remembered him, but I figured that age and marriage would do that.

And then I realized that I had missed my therapy appointment. And woke up.

Things in this dream bothered me very much; the lust, the turning into an animal, the eagerness to see Lord Dragon. I remember vividly going through the 'malesa' - the overgrowth and the spiderwebs and the abandoned buildings abutting the solid good buildings full of people and thriving business. I remember vividly the setting sun and the way the street went golden, then umber, and the sudden extermination of the lights during the blackout. I remember running and crouching to run on all fours, thinking, this should hurt and slow me down, but it is not - I'm fast. I vividly remember the lust for the guy I was horseplaying with. I remember the horseplay was rather violent, too.

If I were to analyze my dream based on my current situation, I'd say that the whole lust thing is quite in keeping with what's going on with Temptation and my Capt A and the new Oddities beseiging my libido. The animal part would seem to indicate that either I think it's an animal thing, or it is a primal base desire manifesting. The lust, that is.

The whole Lord Dragon thing? He's about the same body type and size as Temptation, so I suppose I was referring the past and the present desire. Going through the 'malesa' and remembering doing it before would mean that I've been in this mess before and I should learn from it - and considering I did NOT continue the pursuit, I'm sure I was telling myself to turn off.

That's it for now. Meanwhile, I'm feeling, like I'm several people.