sitting here listening to carlos gardel tangoes instead of focusing on my paper. Thinking of my dad, and my son, and wondering what will happen. Some people go their entire lives without drama. I can't go six months.

Oddity sent me a Pon and Zi today, one giving a tacklehug to the other. I wonder how it will be when we are closer, and/or together. I'm betting we'll get tired of each other's company; how do people stay together?

I think we can... it takes work.

tired. can't wait to see oddity tomorrow. even if for a few, only a few, alone hours. but it's enough. just enough to touch him, kiss him, breath him in.

gah, i'm a teenager again.

This, I believe, was for me, posted on the lonely hearts forum:

THIS MOMENT Posted: Apr 1, 2009 1:00 AM
Asleep, inside our dreams of hope and fear
the stars twinkle while the moon passes by
We clench the blanket tighter
it’s like we live and breathe in a cocoon
And how could i leave you without words
while tears stream onto your pillow
This moment is ours and forever
even when we can’t be wrapped together
So we sleep and hope for happy dreams
with the thoughts of sunshine on our faces
When the birds sing the morning song
the start of a new day discovers us
Know that i think of you this moment
My heart, My love, My sunshine

And this one, though not for me, is fucking great - posted on the gothic industrialist forum:

HARSH (Ghost Dance) Posted: Apr 1, 2009 1:13 AM
Within these white peeling walls
the lights dim and we are dark.
I can hear the buzzing quiet
just before the first drum sound.
The electro beats of my heart
signal my body to let loose.
The ghosts around me join in
and the harsh stomping begins.
Lights flash changing color to white
as our eyes close we are lost.
The funeral procession pulses
breathing life we mesh together.
Even those white eyes who look on
want to join the harsh ghost dance.
We live while others die tonight

my dad's in the hospital with pneumonia - left lung phlegm buildup. They thought it was the flu last tuesday. They may release him tomorrow. He's 76.

I just found out my children's paternal grandparents have also suffered setbacks. My ex husband's mother is a wonderful woman; I love her very much. She suffers from diabetes (seriously undertreated) and cut her foot.....

My exhusband's father is not a man I care for particularly, but he is my children's grandfather. He suffered a stroke yesterday in Puerto Rico, and the @&%(*@)@ hospital sent him home. SENT HIM HOME!!!! my sister in law had a fit and is now on her way to bring him to the states to take care of him. Ultimately, the family he abandoned is the family who will love him and take care of him. I hope he appreciates it.

My kids are very unhappy. My son did not go to class; instead, he called in and sits with his sisters; they are all crying. Both grandfathers and one grandmother in the hospital and my poor mother is trying her best not to worry. My mother would have not called me if she didnt think it was serious. I haven't spoken to my brothers; tomorrow evening, when we find out what my dad's status is, is enough time to talk to them and find out what this may entail.

And I'm alone, talking to this blog, because there's no one I can talk to. I can face my parents' eventual passing; it's the storm after that that I am afraid of. As always, in the face of severe emotional crap, I stand alone. C'est la vie.