Thursday

I'd like to know why it's never been explored, that each of our bodies are uniquely individual. There truly is no size fits all; we all have different reactions to many different things. I can only dwell on myself. I can't eat bread; drink apple juice; eat pizza; drink regular milk; use certain makeups; take medication normally... etc etc etc. Am I overly sensitive, or just very very aware of my body's reaction to things? I often don't feel my possessions leaving my person, or being attached, but I do feel every fucking bite I take and how it is digested in my body. There was a time I thought eating was a punishment; I was always in pain and always uncomfortable eating. A random article, well into my 40s, about a person with the inability to gain weight - no matter what, but instead had abnormal reactions to what other people ate to gain weight started me on the search for what the hell was wrong with my body. It seems I may have IBS - however, I'm not so sure it's a bad thing. It's helped me avoid the pitfalls of beer belly and middle age/secretary's spread. It certainly has saved me the discomfort I grew up with in my belly!!! Then there's the possible schizophrenia/ADHD... now I'm not sure if it wasn't just a physiological reaction to what my body was undergoing fighting with the foodstuffs and drugs given to make me better. I hallucinate, I hear voices, I feel things, I believe some wildly unbelieavable things... but now, without meds, without certain foods, with narrowing my intake of things and watching/monitoring what I use and eat, I've lost all that (well, except for being hyperactive) and again.. I've always been thin, but now I don't feel like my middle is weighed with iron or stone. My head feels clearer, I am less inclined to fly off the handle, and less indulgent with the 'bad days'. Then I read about how many of the things I felt weren't really a mental illness, just things the brain can do to itself. And I wonder... was it due, again to reactions of my body to things? Or was I in fact mentally ill (am I? not sure still). Nothing is strange when it comes to how your brain, your body, your emotions, your digestive system, your bones, etc, will react to things that are either uniquely beneficial to you, or uniquely malicious to you. You have to listen to your body to find out. That's my theory.