So lately I changed my diet. Had to. I couldn't eat at a diner or fast food place without serious belly trouble, and lots of other icky things were happening.

I have lactose intolerance but that came in my late 20s. However, I was never a person to be able to gain weight and always, ALWAYS had stomach troubles. So I started reading up on recent stuff about malnutrition (everyone thought I had anemia, I was supposedly allergic to tons of foodstuff...) and while reading (I keep an informal food diary because of the problems) I found out about fructose intolerance. Now, I stopped drinking anything with high fructose corn syrup several years ago because I found it triggered the bad belly things (Think Irritable Bowel Syndrome). According to the information I read about fructose intolerance, natural juices can trigger it too - like apple juice, which was a staple in my diet because I don't drink carbonated or sugary stuff. Well, whadyaknow... I stopped drinking apple juice (apples contain more fructose than glucose and that triggers the symptoms associated with intolerance) and NO MORE BLOATED BELLY/FARTING/ALL THE ICKY STUFF!

Now, I had also cut down severely on orange juice because it also made my bowels feel unhappy. I keep track of everything I drink now, and I drink LOTS of water and unsweetened tea (I stopped liking sugar a while back and now I see why).

As for foods, well, I went from eating EVERYTHING to being very very picky on what I eat - I never wanted to be 'that' person, the one who couldn't share in what everyone else ate and had fussy and exacting requirements. Now I know why.

I don't experience the bad belly times anymore. I still love pizza with sausage and pepperonis (omg do I love pepperoni) but I know that once is enough, or else I suffer. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE hot wings, but once a week, or else I spend too much time sitting on the bowl in pain. (yes, I know, TMI, but you HAVE to understand why.)

Workdays, my eating plan is: a handful of tater tots (love them), two runny fried eggs (and no salmonella!) and three to four strips of bacon, and some cheese - either cheddar (which doesn't trigger the lactose thing, I don't know why) or colby jack (mmmmmmmmmmmm). I drink NuVim along with that (delicious stuff and good for you). Later in the day, it's a small bottle of Dannon vanilla drinkable yogurt with all that probiotic stuff (it's been one HELL of a asset!) along with a lactose pill, as THAT does trigger the intolerance. Lunch, if I am planning ahead, is usually greens with spinach, carrots, pepperoni slices (I'll fit them in somehow!) or chicken slices, nuts (small amount) and water. I'll snack on something before that or after that, but that's the only snack I'll allow myself and usually it's one of those oatmeal sandwich cookies... gooey and icky and so delightful.

Dinner is usually another probiotic yogurt (right now it's YoPlus 'cause OMG its so creammmmmmmy!) and some form of meat and vegetable. And lots of water or tea. And I drink hot tea throughout the day ('cause my office is FUCKING FREEZING!).

And so far, I've staved off the horrible belly things. On the weekends, if I drink, well, it upsets the whole shebang, but it's only for the weekend. And I get to eat hot wings.....

Moderation I think is key. I don't have to absolutely eliminate fructose or lactose from my diet, but I do have to monitor intake and balance it out. Most wisdom also states that red meat every day is not a good thing. It isn't, really. So I'm trying to work out to have red meat less and more fish, chicken and pork at dinner. And so long as I can also control my daily stress - I got the hours I want to work and now I find my best sleeping hours are 12-7, which work out perfect for me - and I am studying and working and walking every day - working out has to be worked back into my schedule - and am dancing or at least moving alot throughout the weekend - I think I can keep myself from the uglies of digestion and stress and possibly even grow old with only half of what my mom has to go through.

Here's to hoping.

Home by The Endparty (song posted by Oddity 7/29/09 on myspace)

take these nights bereft of comfort,
take these thoughts that leave me restless
give me everything you are,
show me worlds unknown to me

(CHORUS)for how can I resist, when every part of you
feels like home to me (2x)

bring this solitute to an end
I will carry you to paradise
we can have all we desire
all of this was shown to me

(CHORUS)

When the vision of your countenance
is enough to leave me breathless
Then how can I resist
when every part of you
feels like home to me,
feels like home to me?

Take these fears that lie within
cast them out and bring ascension
you are the soul that I have lost
and all of this you've shown to me

(CHORUS)

When the vision of your countenance
is enough to leave me breathless
Then how can I resist
when every part of you
feels like home to me,
feels like home to me?

The distance by Oddity 7/29/09

whispers in the wind
meant only for you

these days grow old
the nights are tired
but just like the sun
we rise and we fall
reading our words
hoping to hear a voice
memories carry us
new adventures await
each day passes
we grow closer together
even when we are apart
dreams can come true
i see you in the distance
never far from sight
hoping the next sunrise
brings you closer to me
smiles are like sunshine
you brighten my world
distance can't change that
we are never apart
you are inside my heart
hear my whispers
i am waiting for you
this is my dream

Forever by Oddity 7/29/09
Pale skin hidden from the sun
Sunken eyes beneath her veil
Wrapped in the dark of my night
Following the shadow of the moon
The scent of her arouses me
Biting the lip of ruby red lipstick
She trembles inside my black cape
Knowing that i’ll be there forever
A white gown streaked in blood
Her arms wrapped inside of mine
This lust is a beautiful romance
From sunrise until sunset we live
Waiting for the night to call to us
Watching the moon until forever

Hear that sound? You can't? I can. Every time I think about my son and what he's going through, the demons he fights because of his genetic heritage, I can hear the keening of my soul in despair. Every time I realize that my eldest may never be free of taking medication because of my genes, I can hear it. Every time I hear my baby daughter over the phone and know exactly what she is struggling with and she does not even know how to acknowledge it, it fills my head with agony.

What will become of my granddaughter? and what if my other children give me grandchildren - will they also fall victim to their parents' genetic weaknesses? I can't say it's unfair, but it hurts so bad.