I'm glad I'm not defined by my illness or my body's wierdnesses. I'm glad I tried, hard, to not be defineable at all. I remember that Capt A told me that I was 'unpigeonholeable'. I like that.

I don't know if I'm still like that, but I'm not usual. I'm not run of the mill. Why be like everyone else? You are a compilation of experiences so unique to you that no one will ever be like you - and so, you are unique.

I like that while the mental and emotional freakouts are gone, I still have this tenuous attachment to reality. I like that I feel so deeply that sometimes it feels like a storm, violent and chaotic, whether that feeling is anger or hatred or love or sadness or desire or just joy. I wonder what I'll be like during the menopausal period.

I like going grey. I wish it would be a tad faster - I admire my co-worker's full head of grey hair, so pretty. On the other hand, while I can say I hate my hair, it IS pretty cool, curling and full and dark with light patches. I look much better in long hair (really; but short hair is so much more convenient in winter....)

I like my body. I can say it here, I hope: I am so freaking glad that I don't gain weight all that easily. I love the slim lines - and yes, age is putting sag and fat into places I'm not accustomed to seeing like that, but that's the way it is.

I dislike the pain I feel almost constantly but I also feel this is me, living. This is my experiences and physical proof of my life; the good and the bad, the activity and the injuries. My hips hurt all the time, sitting is REALLY painful, I walk far too much and my upper back and shoulders and neck are feeling the effects of forceful meetings with cars and wrestling with my friends. My knees, THANKFULLY, do not bother me. My lower back, while occasionally fretful, is doing well. I wish my digestion weren't so freaky, but eh. Small price to pay to remain slender, at least in my opinion. :)

off to work. more to come.