It definitely hasn't been easy or smooth with Oddity and I. He doesn't think some things through and can get worked up over things that don't require that sort of reaction. Yet he reminds me of how I flake out or go apeshit over things like taxes or the company my kids keep and I refuse to mingle with.

I feel he is unconsciously protesting the loss of 'freedom' or solitude he's enjoyed for the past 8 years. Suddenly he's got a girlfriend and he wasn't aware of all that could entail, or forgot all that it requires. You get older, you get more set in your ways, and when you're not exposed to the kind of world I came from, well, you find it hard to deal with.

But what to do? While I want to live with him, I DON'T want to live with him - it will be terrible if he can't cope with it. He's flexed a bit (more than he would have done otherwise) but still, it takes a lot to be with someone like me. Meanwhile, I can take ALOT and understand where it came from, but I do not like being the only one who does that.

I miss him when I'm not there. I like doing things for him. even when he gets pissy and riled up about something that didnt need that reaction. I believe I can cope with it, deal with it, work with it. I certainly know no one else would put up with it.

There were many times I wanted to just walk out, or pack my shit and leave, because he gets upset over something that with a little thought, or a little faith, can be worked out. I, however, really do not like when he questions us being a couple because we have differences.

Differences can enrich a relationship. Am I being a doormat because I don't see any reason for me to make him change? Why must I change? I can tolerate; why can't he tolerate? What he needs is a good lesson in letting things go and flow.

I also do not like when he snaps at me, or responds in less than a positive way. Perhaps I shoudl be used to it as my family does it all the time, but I dont like it. I don't do it. I dont want it done to me.

This is why I don't ask for help. I do not like help given grudgingly, as if it is a chore, a hassle, to provide assistance. I'll walk, thank you; I don't need anyone to pick me up and complain because it shortens your time and you have to rush. I won't come by; I'd rather be pissy by myself and pine than hear how he had all this stuff to do and he's rushed and never time for anything, obliquely blaming me. Yea, I don't have time for that crap.

Not to mention it poisons you more than it poisons me, and it poisons the time we have together. LET IT GO. Just coast.

That's my rant for the day. I miss him even with all that. sigh.