I write this here, because I have no one else to blame but myself, and I'm not going to ask for anyone's help.

The money I had set aside for rent, I sent to make sure my son wasn't killed. I now have nothing to pay for rent, and it is due this weekend. I also haven't got the payment for my insurance, and it is due this weekend.

Should I not have paid off my son's drug debt? Probably not, but I couldn't live with myself thinking he'd be shot or beat to death. Should I have made a greater effort to find work between April 19th and May 6th? considering that I did everything I could except get a low paying job in a restaurant, I think I did the best I could, especially since the Census office here wanted me available - but I do wish they had taken me on immediately after the QACs closed on April 19th.

I may have to wait three weeks for my first paycheck, or it may come on the 18th. By then, I am thinking I will have a couple of overcharges to my account. Of course, I can call the gym in the AM and have them hold my account for a month, but I don't know if I'm in time. I can also 'claim' my card missing, but really, I'm not a good liar like that.

I will call the insurance company in the am and the gym and see what I can do. I can, perhaps, also call my bank to see if any new charges can be held until the 18th, and find out from the Census Bureau when my new pay starts. But since I got paid the 19th on May 4th, I don't hold out much hope.

Dammit all to hell.