Saturday

I know I'm exhausted, and I know I'm scared shitless about driving, and I know I'm feeling sad over Oddity and his inability to show basic human kindness to me. I know I should not have taken Alleve (1x/12 hrs for last 36 hrs) because for some reason painkillers seem to lend themselves to enhance my hallucinations.

There was a crackle then a loud 'pop' in the room just about 20 minutes ago. I screamed and now I can't sleep. I keep seeing shadows flit (in full light, all five of them) over everything in my room, either smokey or foggy or just shadowy. I know most of what I am hearing is the house settling for the night, but it is taking on a more sinister meaning. I don't want to hear the voices. I hate the whispering from the walls.

Who do I call when no one seems to believe this happens to me? I'm grown and I don't need this happening now. I'm scared and crying and really feel hopeless because this is from inside me and I can't stop it. I'm so tired....

Behind me, it sounds like something is moving. Behind me is the shelved closet, and I know, objectively, it is just a settling noise. Or perhaps squirrels in the walls between the houses. But it is making the hairs stand on end up and down my back.

You know what? I think there IS something in the wall. I wish they kept human sleep hours...

20 minutes after that post, I began to feel horribly ill. nauseous, dizzy, hot and cold and ran to the bathroom after drinking water. No vomit though (I strive mightily to never ever throw up). And after about 8 oz of water and the expelling of gas instead of vomit (I don't burp, I don't know why) I am feeling more settled and less ... how shall I say it? I feel more rooted in reality. Will have to suffer pain,'cause it seems painkillers and I do not get along. sheesh. I can sleep now. The walls have returned to normal and there is no longe any smoky shadows flickering. Hrm....

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