ever onward.

Well, things change! I rescued my youngest and my grandson in this manner: I told her to come to me in Lancaster. The drama that ensued was pretty much expected but disappointing. First, the boy's father being a dick. Then my own daughter being a selfish, manipulative, thoughtless, careless and bullying kind of person. Six months in, she still hadn't organized what was needed for my grandson. Since I had wanted to quit my job (I simply HATE A/C and sitting still - I was falling asleep EVERY DAY at my desk!) I elected to do so and get the ball rolling on my grandson. First thing: guardianship - which after an initial hiccup, I was granted unconditionally. Then the headache of the medical records, still in progress because his father refuses to give over the papers. I do have his Birth Certificate now, and he has WIC and CHIP. Now may apply for SNAP for him alone. I have my other jobs - the IU teaching one, and the restaurant - and I love them fiercely. They don't pay as well as people think I should pursue, but I love them. And to me, that matters more. But Oddity has forsaken me. He doesn't want to be a family man. I'm finally driving, I've more or less steady employment, I'm more or less stable, but due to having a dog and now a little person relying on me, he has stepped away. We were becoming distanced anyway; I love my jobs' crazy hours and I had been the one sacrificing time to be with him, plus only doing what he liked, not what I liked. So I guess, objectively speaking, it's for the best. I have no lack of attention, if you must know. If I had the inclination, I've lots to choose from. But... and as is always the case, Oddity is whom I want. I will not demand change. The gauntlet was cast down and the challenge was not only roundly rejected, but the playing field was abandoned, to my sadness. I am trying so hard not to let the sadness turn to depression, but the little things pile up. Yesterday I scraped up my car and now I am feeling wholly miserable. My body hurts all the time, my room is (to me) a horrifying mess, I can't seem to get enough alone time to catch up to my workouts or my mental health, and money is always tight I could survive any of these with my optimism intact. It's the fact that they are all happening at once that is killing me at this moment. Ah well. best I can do is forward and onward. No matter what, little life and animal life is at stake and they matter.

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