I'm shaking. Not sure why. It could be exhaustion, emotion, lack of sleep, hunger (need meat!), anger, frustration, hate of this job...

I know what my son and daughter go through when they want to make a life change. Nothing works as fast as we want it to. I want to have a new job and start fresh; I have to pare down my belongings and baggage. I feel trapped by Teri's shenanigans and fear living with her alone because I can't control what she does. This is not the way for a mom to feel!!! I want to spend time with my new friends and old friends and still be able to focus on my home and pets and kid and life. I want to make Capt A happy but I am not in love with him. I want to start new with Oddity and still be on my own. I want to live by myself and see what that's like here, where the rush isn't present. Lancaster seems like a happening place and my new friends are there, but I don't want to leave York or my friends here. I want to see what living in Harrisburg would be like - and working there!

I want to be self sufficient, and I want to take care of Oddity and his concerns. I want to have a place I can bring my granddaughter to and enjoy her company; I want to be independent enough to make my eldest proud. I need to be on my own, the sooner the better. Capt. A said I would be that way, all sails to the wind, precariously perched.

I want to grow old with Oddity. I want to be young with my future grandchildren. I want to be free. I want to stop shaking!!!!