it SUCKS when I'm hormonal/emotional. Stupid shit makes me cry. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad. Little disappointments become, in this emotional state, momentous. Sheesh.
When I get like this, I soar high or drop like a stone and it's not comfortable. I feel physical pain, like my heart is breaking, or - if it's happy stuff - as if it were trying to lift out of my chest. I shake, I feel hollow. I ate twice this morning to stave this sort of situation off, but I guess it's just a byproduct of my physiological and psychological makeup and I'll have to live through it.
Well, the good side to this is that I feel everything acutely - so when I am happy, and having a good time, I'm REALLY having a good time!
Listening to my mp3 player which is full of all sorts of love songs and ballads. At least, I don't feel that overwhelmingly obsessive desire/need to be with Oddity; it's calming down. I'm looking for work. Want to clean the house and get rid of all the crap, so that I can consolidate Teri's things and move her into the attic with me, so that Capt. A can have his space and let us stay there - I have no way to get an apartment or support one for the next six months, unless I get a better paying job (has to pay 12-15/hr and that may not be possible). I also have to drive. I can drive. I need the road experience.
I bet all these worries are what's triggering this hormonal emotional storm. Fuck.