I elected to be reserved. I walked to his house and made it there earlier than he did. Then again, he had to stay to close up.

So long as I don't broach the subject, we're okay. I am sensing he understands and on an unrelated topic, stated he does not act 'flirty' with anyone out in public or private. Only w/me.

Nevertheless, I'm going to be the person I normally am. I refuse to go into that hurt/crying jag thing I get into, like some penny novel lovelorn fool, because I expect from someone what I would give.

I know he loves me. I've just been burned too many times. So I'll behave towards the best of results and expect the worst, because that's what seems to happen when I love someone this much.

I'll always be afraid.

"Have you ever loved someone so much that you didn't care what happened to yourself, you just had to be with them? If they look at you, your heart stops... when you feel their breath on your skin it just... aches... Have you ever craved someone so much that... you just don't exist any more?"

Se que tu, Tentacion, entiendes. I did not want to feel that way. I'm 43 years old, for goodness sake! You'd think that this kind of overdone emotion would fade with age. Why can't I do things on an even keel? Why does this have to be how I feel, like a million times more than normal people feel? Gah!