My eldest called me today. She had a psychotic break last night. Several things played into this: breaking up with a boyfriend who is moving to wisconsin for school, mooncycle, drinking and frustration at work/home situations. She needed to talk to me.

I find it interesting that we are both suffering lows. She is seeking help; she has called the hospital and will take half dose of Seroquel tonight.

When we have psychotic breaks, we are manic, extremely so, and engage in wild, violent or excessive behavior. We also hallucinate. Unfortunately, we remember everything, and we hit bottom very hard - we say we crash, because the fall from the manic stage is abrupt and hard. If we don't seek help at this stage, we can start to rapidly cycle - i've lost jobs and apartments this way - or become so depressed as to be suicidal - my mom and I and my daughters have been 'institutionalized' for anywhere from two days to a month for this, in our experience.

We feel shame, guilt, despair and everything feels like it is caving in on us. Literally. I am proud of my eldest; she sees it for what it is and is getting help. In this job market, being bipolar is a dangerous thing. No one understands how dysfunctional this chemical imbalance can make a person who can appear lucid and very intelligent. and no one cares.