Sometimes I wish I didn't make so many friends. I find it hard to maintain interactions with people. It makes me feel like I lose pieces of myself - no, that's not right. More like, it stresses me to interact. I like interaction on my terms - when I'm ready for it. I guess that's why it's hard for me to maintain friendships. Very few people are allowed to become closer because of this.

I do have friends. I have people I can connect to (some very big surprises, like a girl whom I thought I couldn't get close to turning out to be just the right match for a friendship!) on many levels. I can also make the effort to be a friend to people whose association will be beneficial to me spiritually, emotionally and mentally - like my Capt A's family, whom I love dearly, every last one of them.

I've always said I'm a loner. I find my best moments dancing, or listening to music, or walking on my own, no phone, no conversation other than what's in my head. And yet, there are times I crave a friend's company. Few and far between to be sure, but they are there. So I don't despair too much about my inability to handle the stresses of friendship... my true friends wait it out and know to work around it.